An array of thoughts
Babbling through my ever so
Cautious mind. Should I
Delve into your world of
Fissure red-hot emissions or slide through to the
Glaciers on the other side of
Halt to the three four?
Inquiry mind of mine
Just needs to
Know am I as appreciated as your
Makes it seem.
Nodding your head in the heat
Of passion does not
Provide a justified answer.
Questions I do have the
Right to ask for my heart
To keep me safe and for the sanity of my thoughts
Urging me to dissect the
Very deep core of your
Wavering attitude. I will
X-ray every emotion, every
Yearning my heart, my body gives before I get to that
Zone of comfort.
I am editing my work on slavery and a fierce flashback, overcomes me.
You were there at that period of a major freak out when that crucial deadline loomed over my head.
You stayed up to help me make sense out of nonsense.
I find memories of you everywhere, even in my work.
Can you at least give me one space for clean breathing?
Yes, it is selfish after the fact but even you can understand that sometimes distance is best.
Sad, I was the one who started that rift valley but look where it got me.
Back to remembering you in the oddest of places whilst doing the strangest thing: Editing.
I stay under the covers a little extra while my mind roams,
I am smiling whilst I am thinking about you.
I miss you, I miss talking to you both online and in person.
I never said it to you but the way you smile is magnificent and you have an absolutely cute nose.
The image of your smile creates warmth saturated with chills that freaks the hell out of me.
I miss your persistency, the thrill of being questioned and dodging it.
I absolutely miss being called MJ.
Time ticks away on the hand of the clock, ticking closer to the time when I will see again.
Ticking, ticking, tick-ing, time and place define everything, time when I change to somebody else when I am around you.
Is it you who facilitated that transformation or is it time and you being captured in the revolving time change?
The real person that I am is suffocating beneath years of burdensome decay and this butterfly does not like the caterpillar life any more.
Gosh! I love watching you smile( I need to say it again), it is like watching a flower opening, simply breathtaking.
An attachment is growing, I was terribly scared and mad about it before but now I am less scared.
Constantly I ask myself, “Are you crazy!”
But it happened, can’t turn back the hands of the clock and even if I could, I doubt the circumstances would have been any different.