Tag Archives: disappointment

It Warms My Heart #5

Smiling In Pain

Source: http://www.tumblr.com /tagged/rain%20photography


I fell in love with something that did not love me back. I loved it in a way that I have never had compassion for anyone or another thing. It was not an infatuation, obsessing for a small amount of time. It was something I was willing to give my life. Yet, as in all things of life, the things we love do not usually want to stay but love wings to fly, fly away.

I love History. I pursued an academic life within its world because it made me happy but it killed my purse. I started regretting ever-loving it and I tried to push everything pertaining to it away from, far away. I stopped writing about it, I stopped researching. There were many topics that I kept adding bits and bits of information, some more than a year old but every time I came to my gadget I saw them, so I filed them away, far away. I felt my heart hardening towards History, a word just seeing the letters or hearing the name, passed a thrill through my heart.

That dreadful feeling lasted many weeks but some thing different happened. I cannot remember what particular event is responsible I guess like when you are falling in love, you may not recall what event started the process. I feel the frost slowing dripping away, I wanted my History back though nothing changed with History  as a living. My purse still works like onions making me weep, my financial outlook is still bleak but I still want my History. Maybe History is what I will always love but it may not open the bakery for my bread. So I will stay to using the research tools my lecturers gave me for my own personal research and to share with you tidbits on here. I will try to brainwash people who are around me with my historical love but I will always leave my heart open for History love because in spite of my disappointments it is the only thing which still stirs my soul at the moment.

Have you ever loved a hobby or profession but it never worked out for you but desperately needed to live in its world? Would you mind telling me about it down below? Would you give up everything else in your life for that love?



Birthday Shock [ An Acrostic]


Happy Birthday
Drawn to the practice of accepting presents on my birthday.
I am cool about expecting gifts on the outside but I am
Supper dubber bubbling with excitement on the inside
Anxious to see if my folks picked all the clues I left all over the
Place. What do you think happened dear reader?
Read the rest of this entry




You ask how am I doing but when I try to explain to how I feel, you quickly tell me well “others have it worst.”

I know very well that my life is not the most beaten down track in this endless race.

 However if you do not try to understand my emotional and mental composition , how can you know me.

How can you tell that I am not a great pretender, that my smiles are not staged to display a happiness that I do not feel.

Listen to me, listen to my words, watch my expressions

Learn to read me, to know when everything is “ok” and when circumstances are “great.”

Until then, I feel like you do not care to understand me and I am never understood and that is an uncomfortable place to occupy.


Try to understand me…